12 Mar TIPS FOR MUMS AND DADS: RAISING RESILIENT KIDS
Resiliency helps kids navigate the inevitable trials, triumphs and tribulations of childhood and adolescence. We all want to raise resilient kids who are not afraid to try new things let’s face it, many of us have been afraid to try something at one point or another. This may be because you are afraid of failing. Fear is a natural response when faced with a challenge. If that fear is strong enough, it can cause kids to avoid trying new things or taking risks and in turn, lead to missed opportunities.
Follow these tips and watch your kid grow up with resilience:
1. Do Not Accommodate Every Need.
Whenever you try to provide certainty and comfort, you are getting in the way of children being able to develop their own problem-solving and mastery. Do not overprotect, it tends to bring anxiety. An example would be: a child gets out of school at 3:15. But they worry about their parent picking them up on time. So the parent arrives an hour earlier and parks by their child’s classroom so they can see the parent is there.
2. Avoid Eliminating All Risks.
Naturally, parents want to keep their kids safe. But eliminating all risk robs kids of learning resiliency. In a family you find, the kids aren’t allowed to eat when the parents are not home, because there is a risk they might choke on their food. If the kids are old enough to stay home alone, they are old enough to eat. The key is to allow appropriate risks and teach your kids essential skills. Giving kids age-appropriate freedom helps them learn their own limits.
3. Teach Them To Solve Problems.
Engage your child in figuring out how they can handle challenges. Give them the opportunity, over and over, to figure out what works and what doesn’t. Let’s say your child wants to go to sleep-away camp, but they are nervous about being away from home. An anxious parent will ask them to stay back. A better approach would be to help them figure out how to navigate being homesick.
4. Teach Your Kids Concrete Skills.
Focus on the specific skills they will need to learn in order to handle certain situations. Ask yourself, where you are going with the situation and what skill they need to get there. For instance, you can teach your shy child how to greet someone and start a conversation.
5. Avoid “Why” Questions.
“Why” questions are not helpful in promoting problem-solving. Ask “how” questions instead. Ask “How” questions to teach children different skills. To inhibit a response you ask “How’ question for example “How do you get yourself out of bed when it’s warm and cosy? How do you handle the noisy boys on the bus that bug you?”
6. Do Not Provide All the Answers.
Rather than providing your kids with every answer, claim that you don’t know then ask them what they think. It helps kids learn to tolerate uncertainty and think about ways to deal with potential challenges. Also, starting with small situations when they are young helps prepare kids to handle bigger situations.
7. Avoid Talking in Catastrophic Terms.
Pay attention to what you say to your kids and around them. Anxious parents, in particular, tend to “talk very catastrophically around their children, For instance, instead of saying “It’s really important for you to learn how to swim,” you say, “It is really important for you to learn how to swim because it would be devastating to me if you drowned.”
8. Let Your Kids Make Mistakes.
Failure is not the end of the world. It is the place you get to when you figure out what to do next. Letting kids mess up is tough and painful for parents. But it helps kids learn how to fix slip-ups and make better decisions the next time. Let them fail and see the consequences of their actions.
9. Help Them Manage Their Emotions.
Emotional management is key in resilience. Teach your kids that all emotions are Okay. It is okay to feel angry that they lost the game or someone else finished their ice cream. Kids learn very quickly which powerful emotions get them what they want. Parents have to learn how to ride the emotions, too. If your child throws a tantrum, be clear about what behaviour is appropriate and inappropriate.
10. Model Resiliency.
Of course, kids also learn from observing their parents’ behaviour. Try to be calm and consistent; You cannot say to a child you want them to control their emotions, while you yourself are flipping out. Parenting takes a lot of practice and we all screw up. When you make a mistake, admit it and talk about a different way to handle such in future.
NOTE: Resilient kids also become resilient adults, able to survive and thrive in the face of life’s unavoidable stressors.
This post is from Nairobi Nanny, a company that offers experienced house managers and nannies. For more information email us on info@nairobinanny.com or call +254708518470.
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